April 28, 2003

Dear Journal:

School is back in session. God do I hate saying that. I’m so behind in my classes I wish I could nullify the year…start over fresh with a clean slate.

To want is to be human. To need is to be greedy. To belong is long forgotten. Desires, dreams, wishes, wants, and needs that shall never be accomplished because of the weight.

She sits there spewing droplets of saliva and mucous. The tints of her eyes are daring with an ego larger than the biggest ocean. She is malmčrčoma; spreading the toxins to the susceptible bystanders. A tumor growing in my mind wanting to haunt me forever. Rounds of chemo nauseate me and only bring out bad memories. Just when we think she has gone, the remission is acute. Chemo must begin all over again.

The aphids swarm, obliterate the fragrance of the flower. When will the beauty meat the beast? When will there be an eye of the storm? When will I fly amongst the stars with the moon light on my back and the cool summer’s eve breeze restoring my body, mind, and soul?