Monday, May 12, 2003

Dear Journal:

This is entry one of 14 I have to accomplish. Well, it’s not something I need to “over come” because I derive great pleasure from pouring out my daily thoughts, pains, and frustrations. This is a part of my psychotherapy I am receiving with Dianne. I hate to do this, but therapy is protected by the Federal Government’s HIPPA legislation that was just passed. By reading this journal you are bound to the rules and regulations of the HIPPA legislation. Before you are eligible to read this confidential document, you must sign a disclosure form stating that you have read and understand the HIPPA legislation in full and that you agree to adhere to all of it’s policies. This form may be provided to you or you may “sign” a verbal contract stating the same as above. I hate to subject all of my legal rights upon you, but you must understand that I value my health records and information. I see it is highly classified. This is where I can veraciously control at least one thing in my “non-adult” life.

Control. Everybody wants to get it, but they don’t want to adhere to it. I find it as human nature to want total control of their environment. You can actually see this control be how we build our homes. The security systems that are installed, the telephone infrastructure, the way broadband services correlate with entertainment services, the heating, cooling, and humidity controls, the ability to store all of our precious memories and thoughts within man-made walls. It’s all a control thing. We can control what our environment resembles all the way down to the degree of Fahrenheit of our preference. It’s the outside world that boggles our minds and fouls with our desires to dominate all within visual distance. Being under the rule of a person or group of persons could drive a control freak psychotic. But being the animals that we are, we find our ways to “mark” our territories to the best of our ability. We have the power to vote, increasing the availability of the people that we want to help us gain control. With voting, you choose the person whom you think shall do a good job at adhering to your tax paying demands. However, that’s not always successful. Are we just supposed to live in a society wherein primitive man is forever trapped? Or are we just supposed to adapt and cohere with our fellow kind?

I search for control in my life. I have every resource available to me and ways of making those control efforts crumble as desires and raise into powers. Through the law, through the courts, and through the ability to take my foes down in a reputable way or not...I will get the control I want. It’s not something that I cannot attain; it’s something that I have received and I have people that will stay on MY side of the issue. Those are the people I pay top dollar for; the lawyers and attorneys that are on my staff. Whatever I say, goes. That’s it and there’s nothing else to it.

The medical control thing is really important to me. Being a Pharmacy Technician, I know all about the legal aspects of medicine and patient rights. With the introduction of newer, stiffer laws such as HIPPA, it only aids me in the development of my legal mind. My staff of physicians understands that I am a person who exerts great powers to ensure I get what I want without irritation.

When parental unit “A” got herself into my medical records, my attorneys were ready to serve my PCP with lawsuit papers. Yet my PCP, whom I’ve known for over 17 years, is a kind and generous man that I wouldn’t want to hurt or take advantage of. I held back, but parental unit “A” received the full, blunt force of my great powers. I first contacted my attorneys to alert them as to what was going on. I went to my PCP to review my patient records. Then I went to parental unit “A” at her place of business. A pathetic retail worker, I embarrassed the hell out of her. With customers in line, her coworkers standing askew throughout the store I stormed in, fully dressed and ready for battle. I had my words at a very loud level so to inform all of the people there that I will not stand down when she interferes with my affairs and embarrasses me at the pharmacy. You see, my parental unit “A” has been known for pulling off great acts of acting. She puts on the sad puppy face, gets beat red, whines, cries, and throws the whole mood shebang. Pathetic really. But this time...this time she couldn’t look like the defenseless person that she portrays herself to be. She puts herself across as a caring, descent, and respectful parent. How dishonest and absurd of her to do such a thing!

I slammed down documents establishing a link to my medical rights and the things that she had done to interfere with those rights. She didn’t want to read it because I’m just “...disgruntled 17 year old.” I walked out of the store with her (conveniently, she was on her way out) yelling at her. “You disrespect me and expect me to respect you? You can go to hell for all I care! You’ve done nothing for me! You brought me into this f****d world, paid for my shit for only 9 years and expected me to fend for myself there after. Well guess what, hon, I didn’t just move out of your pitiful excuse for a house...I moved on up. I won’t be a piece of white trash. I will be the one you come groveling to, to help you settle your debts and ease your mind when you realize you seriously f****d up! I have been on my own for three years. Three God damn years. Dane’s been gone and you hadn’t even called to ask if I wanted to come back. That’s bullshit. I see where your true MO is. Don’t even give me shit when I take your fowl ass to court and suit you and the doctor for f***ing with my medical records! Oh, you are done. You are SOOO done.”

I’m just one little pissed of, irrational child. Yep, that’s what it boils down to folks. I’m just a damn child who’s throwing a temper tantrum. Maybe my next entry will embellish what you have already seen.

Truthfully,

Dustin T. McCauley

Future Doctor of Pharmacology & Internal Medicine