Dear Journal:

A song that I just listened to inspired me enough to write to you in a more thoughtful manner. "You can still be free..." A song by Savage Garden. It's so peaceful and reminiscing all at the same time. With no regrets or promises, the past will forever be gone. Let time set you free. Time now to spread your wings, to take to flight the life endeavor. Aim the burning sun, you’re trapped inside, but you can still be free. If time will set you free. But it’s a long, long way to go. Keep moving way up high, you see the light; it shines forever. Sail through the crimson skies, the purest light, the light that sets you free. If time will set you free. Sail through the wind and rain tonight. You’re free to fly tonight. And you can still be free. If time will set you free. And going high on a mountain top, and go high like the wind; don’t stop.

I shall forever be free of life and all of it’s hardships soon. I don’t know exactly when, but I assure you that as soon as I find myself buried somewhere deep down in side of me, I’ll emerge a beautiful butterfly and spread my wings to keep moving on. It’s just the bumpy road that prevents me from wanting to break through of this cocoon.

I started one long journey today that will take a lot of effort for me to control; I started quitting smoking. Zyban, just like Wellbutrin, makes me gradually not want or crave tobacco at all. Stepho thought that just because I started the therapy that it means I just throw away all the cigarettes, lighters, and all those other tobacco smoking paraphernalia. It’s wrong, but she was just misinformed. I might need you to hold me tonight. I might need you to say it’s alright. I might you need you to take the first stand, because tonight I’m finding it hard to be your man. Say it’s alright. More than angry words, I hate the silence! I wanna scream…bitterness and sourness. I just want it out. Like an explosion awaiting it’s final catalyst. I want to get rid of the bad energy. I need to take control of my Ki and of my persona so I can quit successfully. I have friend & family support. I thank you all. I know I’m a bitch normally, but expect worse in the weeks to come.

I went with Bevie and Paris and her little sister Dee to see “The Hot Chick.” It was pretty damn funny. And dear God, we got to see some goooood looking men… Praise the lord above. Matt Lawrence topless, smiling, gorgeous in general.

I’m tired. The codeine from the cough expectorant is beginning to kick in and it’s making me really drowsy. Hey, if you can, please go and check out Bevie’s journal. She wants more than 79 people viewing the damned thing. Just click here and you’ll be instantly transported there.

I love you all and thank you for being there.

~Dustin~