Dear Journal:

It’s amazing how we don’t keep in touch. It really makes me feel as though you don’t love me. But honestly folks, I don’t write in this damn journal enough. I keep saying that ___day I’m going to start writing in my journal every day at around 4:00PM or so. I also keep saying that come ___day, I will be on a diet to help lose some weight. And here’s another winner: I think that I will start going for walks everyday next ___day. Yeah, they all happen…AS IF!

But anyways, I’m writing to you while my movie is being ripped from its DVD disc. I really fucking hate the entertainment industry! They know that no matter how hard they try we will always be able to figure out a new nifty way to crack their security and keep the movies to our selves; besides, they get enough fucking money with box office sales alone. Yeah, I rented Blade: Trinity. I put it in my computer using this program I found on CNet (((click me to check out the site))) called DVD43. It works very well. It even works on audio CD’s.

I’m rather hungry. I went and met Amanda (Yep, she’s home!!) at National Coney Island. And guess who comes walking in with his butt-slut boyfriend? Nick Loos. LOSER! I was so ready for him to come and talk shit just like in his letter and from our conversations…but mother fucker knows better. You fuck with the B.B.I.A. you will die by the B.B.I.A. I want so desperately to get thinner. I have come to the realization and have accepted the fact that I will never be one of those 120-160 pound boys; my body structure won’t condone that (it’s the muscle mass). With moderate toning, diet, and exercise (I’ll get to it…just don’t know when) I’ll be at the weight I want to be and I will have a body like the body I want to have.

I was watching Sean earlier today. I was in the kitchen when he came in from the living room with the art box. He said, “Can we make a book for Mom?” It was absolutely adorable! So we sat down and took the tablet paper that little kids begin to learn how to write on and we both wrote the story. I filled in the connecting words and all that jazz. But we got it done and I wanted to go outside to have a cigarette (yeah, I know I still haven’t quit…blow me!) and we decided to walk around the block once. While we were on our journey Sean stopped and picked every dandelion he saw because he, “want[ed] to make a flower bouquet for [his] Mom”. So when we got back Aunt Beth got home. Sean and I didn’t completely finish the book – it still needed illustrated. Though he wanted to give it to her on Mother’s Day, he decided to give it to her today. She read it (without the pictures {of which Sean was going to draw}) and got super choked up on the first page. “Once upon a time, in a land not far from here, lived the most wonderful mother ever. Her name was Beth, but because of what a loving mother she was, everyone always called her the Mom of Love.” The story is about a green butterfly that would save his Mom from a wolf attack turning her (the mother, remember?? Duh!) into a butterfly. But then she woke up and knew it was a dream…the best dream ever. He is just…the child is so sensitive and so kind and so…innocent. Blind love for everything – unbeknownst of the shit in the world around him.

Anyways, I’m shoving off. I’m going to watch the other movie I rented because it was going to take the Blade movie waaaaay too long to do it and I want to watch a movie NOW damn it!

Forever Remember, as the B.B.I.A. should, Good evening and good night.