Dear Journal:

Talk about an interesting evening! First I went cruising Woodward with Jamey in her dad's 1971 AMX Javlin (sp?) which was pretty cool. Today was Matt's bachelor party. I thought of the perfect prank: send a transvestite to give him a lap dance and then strip. I'm so sadistic. ;)

Okay, so after the cruise Jamey and I returned to her house. I was supposed to go over to Tara's for a few to help her practice her Kungfu but when I called she didn't answer. So I went with Jamey to an under-age drinking party. I was sober because I'm good ole DDD (Triple D) which stands for Designated Drive Dust(in/y). I know, the in will go for those of you who call me Dustin and the y will be fore those select few that are allowed to call me Dusty. But anyways. We were at this girl's house. (I'm not going to use names so that way nobody can get into trouble.) One of the male teens there got a little too intoxicated and wound up breaking the soap dish off of the wall in the bathtub in her (her being the girl's house) upstairs bathroom. They tried to "fix it" but where VERY unsuccessful. So I was told about it. I went to look at it and I told them that they HAD to tell the hostess. The hostess almost flipped. But I got her to calm down and to let me try and fix it. Now, mind you I'm in no way skilled at masonry but I tried my damnedest to fix it. In the process of fixing the broken tiles and soap dish one of the other girls came into the bathroom (rather was carried into the bathroom but who the fuck cares about minor technicalities) [don't forget that she fell on her ass because she was too drunk to stand by herself] and said that she was super sick. So I wound up cleaning up the drunk chick. I have no problem doing that kind of stuff because I guess I've been conditioned to do that kind of shit. I've always been the sober one at these kind of parties waiting for shit to happen so I could be of assistance; IE: someone gets sick or breaks something. So while cleaning her up I was gagging because she was drinking beer. As most of you know, I absolutely hate the smell and taste of beer especially cheap beer. It wasn't cheap but you bet your ass it was fucking rank. So I clean her up in the bathroom and take her outside for fresh air. I later cleaned her up from puking her guts out on the hostess' patio. So I finally get the drunk teens situated. The guy that was accused of breaking the bathtub adamently stated that he was not the culprit. I think it was him but I wasn't there when it happened so nobody can be 100% sure because they were all intoxicated at the time. He kept saying, "I didn't break the fucking bathroom" and I was SUPER pissed because the asshole didn't even bother to tell the hostess that it was busted and he didn't even help fixing/cleaning up his mess. His girlfriend wound up telling the hostess (and his girlfriend was the puker that I got clean up). I was like, "Child, say that one more time and I'll throw your drunk ass into an ice cold shower and you'll stay in there until ;;;I;;; tell you that you can come out (used the ;'s to show like super exclamation)." He passed out thereafter. So it only took me like 3 hours to fix the bathtub. Unfortunately it doesn't look like it did or like it was 100% professionally done but it's pretty damn nice looking for someone with NO experience what-so-ever.

One of the other attendee's brought over her AMAZING WONDERFUL FLUFFY BUNDLE OF SUPER CUTE JOY puppy. SOOOOOOO cute! I couldn't put him down! So cute. I still just can't get over how cute he is. GOD!!!! Super cute. His name, Sha-taak-ee (phonetical, I'm certain) is a little fluffy Shihtzu just like my Muffin Poodle. And fuck you Liz; she is NOT a deamon -- that would be YOU! But anyways. So yeah I'm super tired and I still have to go back over to the party house and finish the job. You have to wait like 24 hours for the adhesive to dry and for the grout to dry as well. I'm not sure if I'll need to put a second coat of grout on but we'll find out tomorrow when I finish the job. The price: One Hug. The hostess and the partiers are DAMN lucky that Tara didn't answer her phone.

All in all, I'd say it was definitely a one-of-a-kind evening. Everybody survived, only one thing was broken, and only one person got sick from the booze. And me...the entire evening all I had was Mountain Dew and a Percocet because I had a splitting fucking headache because of the fumes from cruising (gas fumes and burning rubber just make my head feel like it's going to explode). So yeah...I'm supposed to get into bed with my Muffin and tell her how beautiful and wonderful she is and maybe read a chapter of the Marilyn Manson autobiography that Jamey lent me. It's a pretty good read; I'll tell you more about it later.

ADIEU!