Dear Journal:

I hung out with Jamey today after my OCC pre-entrance exams. I scored really, really good on the English portion. And for my math, OCC has determined with the testing score that I am to be placed into Elementary Algebra. Tara has to take it too so I guess I won't be the only 'tard. (You know I love you!)

I've been getting lit a lot lately. I guess I really do like to step out of my body for a few and just let the drugs take over. I think I'm going to have to see my shrink again soon. I was reading a NOVEL the other day and there was this part about a dog being drown in a pool because someone tied its legs to bricks. I started to bawl! What the fuck? I know that it's fiction but it just really, really made me upset. My meds are probably fucked up. I asked for some changes and got them but I don't know if it's because of the changes or if it's recent events and future plans that are getting into the way.

I pray that I will make it through school. Right now, there is only 2 ways out of school; 1) with my PharmD or 2) dead. IE: I don't know if I could take a let/turn/put-down of that magnatitude. I mean that's the only way I see my future. Either I've earned my Pharm.D. or I'm in the process of committing suicide. A friend told me that they (my friend) would totally do a double-suicide because my friend liked my plan. I don't know. And to state one thing before everybody gets their fucking panties in a bundle: I am in NO WAY a threat to myself and or others at this point in time. There. It's been clarified. It's out there. And I'll be damned if anybody gets in my way. I'll figure it out; I always do.

Life...I look you straight in the eyes and spit in your face. You will NOT win this game. God has spoken.